For the Smart Money Cookie

BRIDES - FEND YOUR FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS!

When it comes to weddings, your girlfriends help you hold it together. Don’t let wedding planning ruin your friendships.

You’re planning a wedding, and emotions are high. Triumphs, upsets, smiles, tears, laughter, doubts - the emotional roller coaster will surely go full force as you prepare for the big day.

And so they’re by your side - your bridesmaids, that is - offering strength and support along the way to ensure a smooth ride on your journey towards “man and wife.” They’ve done a lot for you over the years, these special women in your life. They’ve wiped your tears through that difficult breakup, cheered when you landed that big promotion and supported you when you made the snap decision to move cross country on a whim in your early twenties.

In fact, your best girlfriends may have been the most important people in your life - up until now. Now you’re planning a wedding, and they’re not. And somehow, you’re no longer in the same place - no longer quite in synch. After the initial congratulatory exclamations subside, distress can erupt on the friendship front. From gripes about bridesmaids’ dresses and wedding planning logistics, to deeper issues of insecurity and envy, even the best support systems can collapse from the pressure.

It’s easy when wrapped up in the drama of wedding planning to lose the force that ties women together in that uniquely female impenetrable bond of friendship. Don’t. If you’re feeling the closeness slipping away amidst your wedding planning - do something about it. These are the people who have stood by your side through all of life’s most monumental transitions. You needed them then - you need them now.

Communication
..it’s the buzzword for healthy relationships. You’ve heard that you must maintain open communication with your fiancé and future husband in order to make your marriage work. The same goes for relationships with your girlfriends. Keep the lines of communication open, and avoid the tendency for tension and division when “one of the girls” gets engaged.

With the existence of email, there really is no excuse for losing touch with your friends. Of course, phone calls and face to face meetings are always better, but brides-to-be pushed to the scheduling brink can always send a friendly email. And no - every email can’t simply be a wedding update - ask them about their lives too; you remember how to be a friend, don’t you?

Girls Night Out
Arrange a girls night - and celebrate them for a change. You probably aren’t doing much wedding planning on a Friday night anyway, so try to round up your girls for a night out on the town. Don’t worry - you don’t have to plan anything (that’s the last thing you need). Just shoot an email (yes, email is fine) to your gal pals with a time and place to meet for a happy hour, movie or dinner. Your girls are busy too, so even if everyone can’t make it, your friends will appreciate your effort to reach out.

Involve Them In Your Plans
Some of your wedding plans can be a group effort; add a bottle of wine, some cheese and crackers, and you’ve got yourself a fun little get together. No - they’re not your slaves - and you shouldn’t demand your friends spend hours stuffing envelopes. But if they ask to help - take them up on it. Make it fun; chat about non-wedding topics while you work.

So yes, while it is YOUR day; don’t forget to nurture your relationships with your bridesmaids. They are by your side to offer support and friendship; make sure you do the same for them.

For a complete guide to creating an elegant and memorable wedding celebration, visit http://www.elegala.com, your ultimate wedding planning resource.

Cori Locklin is editor-in-chief for http://www.elegala.com and Elegala Magazine. Elegala is a new wedding planning resource offering the most comprehensive portfolio of superior wedding reception sites and wedding vendors, with the planning tips to keep brides in the know on today’s planning trends and styles.

Romance is in the mind. If anybody thought that body has anything to do with romance, he/she must rethink. Romance is in the mind and the heart. Romance is in the eyes. Romance is in words. Romance is in music. Romance is in beauty.

Imagine looking at a wreck. Now think of romance. You will fail. Go to a spot of beauty, say a mountain range. You will not have to think of romance. It will happen. Similarly listen to some noises and think about your sweetheart. You will not be able to. Now put on some lovely music and your thought will automatically turn to your darling. Romance has to do with senses. The senses receive stimuli and take us to the phase of romance. If you can combine a beautiful sight, with lovely music and love thoughts, you will be creating a romantic atmosphere in a short time. You will not have to do it. It will happen.

We all face typical problems. We work most of the times in surroundings that are highly unromantic. No four walls, full of cubicles and people working on their computers can by any stretch of imagination be called romantic. What if you download a screensaver that combines beautiful visuals, lovely music and text that can create love in no time? You will feel romantic watching it even sitting in the same work place full of cubicles. Am I right? You can do it now. Such screensavers are being offered on the Internet. You have a large choice and can download as many as you want at no cost. Whenever you are feeling unexcited and tired with your work, remove the stress and go in the mood of romance with such screensavers that are full of love thoughts.

Romance is enchanting. Romance is life giving. If you are in romantic love, please don’t waste any time. Enjoy the love as much as you can. One day, that love will disappear. It is like a small kid. Parents who miss loving their kid when he/she is small, find that after some years they can never do that. The clock does not turn back. Same applies with romance. Bring romance thoughts in front of you and enjoy the bliss now.

CD Mohatta writes for ecards and online greetings, screensavers and desktop wallpapers. He writes articles on love, dating and marriage He also writes for Desktop wallpapers - free desktop wallpapers. These are static wallpapers which can be your computer desktop background all the time. Read the messages and get inspired all day. He also writes for fun -quizzes. Here, you can take personality and other quizzes to find out about yourself and your relationships.

All married couples face problems from time to time. Some couples have more problems than other couples, and sometimes these problems become major issues within the marriage. Issues that cause the eventual separation and divorce of the couple. When husband and wife feel they cannot resolve the problems themselves, they will sometimes turn to third party professionals for help. Sometimes the couple turns to a marriage counselor for advice and help in saving the marriage.

Some critics of counseling have made the argument that marriage counseling actually does more harm than good to relationships that are on the rocks. The problem is not that counseling itself is bad. Anything that promotes better communication between a husband and wife can be a good thing. Instead, there can be a problem with the counselor herself. Specifically, the counselor’s training and style of practice can make a difference in the counseling the couple gets.

Look for a true couple’s counselor
There are many therapists that claim to be couples’ therapists. This claim is based on the assumption that two people create a couple. A couple is not a headcount, but rather two individuals who share an intimate and complex bond with one another. A couple is a unique entity that is more than just the sum of the two personalities. Some so-called couple’s therapists treat couples the same way they treat individuals, thus leading to some serious counseling problems. Individual therapists work to discover the wants and needs of the individual. Whenever a couple has incompatible needs and wants there is a danger that the counselor who was trained as an individual therapist will take sides. It’s this incompatibility that caused the couple to seek a marriage counselor in the first place. But taking sides is not just unfair; it’s also the quickest way for one partner to leave the counseling. Who wants to feel as if he’s wrong or outnumbered in the counseling sessions? Make sure that your counselor is working for the benefit of the couple, and is not taking sides.

Do some research on your couple’s therapist. Ask if they have gone through training to deal with relationship and couples issues. Ask about previous clients - how many of the couples they have worked with actually stayed together and how many have split up? You’ll both want a high level of trust and confidence in your marriage counselor to be able to discuss with her the things you couldn’t discuss at home.

Do they walk the walk?
Be sure that you feel as though your therapist values your opinions. Whenever the two of you do not agree on an issue, see if your therapist can help you develop a third way, an alternative solution. Ask about your therapist’s values on marriage and relationships. Are they themselves married? How many times? Any professional’s advice becomes a little suspect if they themselves don’t walk the walk. While education is all well and good, sometimes hands on experience can bring new light to a discussion.

It’s okay to change
Lastly, even if your therapist is doing everything in his or her power to help you, sometimes there is a mismatch. If you’re not making the progress you want, try a second therapist or seek out other professional help. If your counselor is truly a professional, she will understand and even agree with your decision to transfer. After all, it’s your money, and your marriage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

Click here to ask Alan a question
about your biggest relationship issue
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm

Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advice
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/subscribe.html
©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~